What do you want?

Changing things up a bit this week. I am going to use this blog for some fiction writing as well, where my characters will be dealing with some spiritual issues. Today's post is in response to Red Writing Hood's prompt: All about character development.
We'd like you to write about what your character wants most.
Do you know what you want most? Does your character? Write a piece of 600 words or less and come back to link up here Friday.

It is not a complete piece, just me trying to get to know my character.


 Hannah heard the bellowing voice deep in your heart, "What do you want?"
The valley between them was wide, yet when He called to her she could feel it in the depths of her soul.
She searched for answers. What did she want...?

In a whisper she answered, "The hurts to be healed. The emptiness to be full. The weakness to be strengthened. And, the questions to be answered...all the whys and hows."

Her eyes turned toward the giggles intertwined with whining. She knew she tried to use their lives to fill hers. And in many ways they had. She could get lost in the caring and fulfillment of parenthood. But the obvious leakage of hurts, emptiness and weakness spilled into their lives as well. Which shadows would they carry with them as they grew?

She didn't want out from the situation, she wanted the situation changed. It was one of those days where it all felt so heavy. The burdens were outweighing her blessings today, the sins outweighing her faith, the distance between her and God today were out of her vision. She knew it was her who had created that distance, and it is why he was calling to her, ready to give her what she wanted. He was still there and waiting for her.

Maybe it was the other voices around her that made it heavy. They lacked understanding of her faith. They lacked forgiveness when she chose to forgive. Or maybe today it was because she was looking through their eyes, not wanting to keep forgiving, wanting to walk from the faith that sustained her here in this situation.

This time louder she called out, “I want a marriage free of drugs, free of alcohol. I want a husband who comes home every night. I want a man who can be faithful to me. I want to walk daily in a marriage where I don’t feel like the lone fighter.”

Then back to a whisper, “Or I want to know it is okay to give up. I want to know I will be okay on the other side.”

It felt as if she took another step backwards away from Him. Anytime she allowed the thought of giving in, to enter in, it felt as if she was letting Him down.

As if drawn to them, she pulled an album from the stack. As she flipped the pages she smiled. Even as an insider who knew the pain not shown, she could smile at the images and recall moments of happiness. They seemed to be the moments weaved in between that kept her holding on. A “normal” day here and there, a family, a husband and wife who loved and was loved. Those were the days that held her, the glimpses of what could be, what was.

But she wanted more of them. They were real. They happened. But days like today darkened them.

Again she heard him. With all His compassion, with all of His love, He questioned, “What do you want?”

She smiled, she knew. He already knew. She could sense it happening. He would pick her up, carry her through some more. Protect her from the hurt that wanted to envelop her heart. Pulled her up from the darkness and carried her beyond today. In His arms there was the light. She wanted the light, wanted to be lifted from the darkness.

What did she want?….she wanted Him. The only way she could sustain. The only hope she had. In his arms she could do it.