What brings us to a church? A need. A want. A curiosity. An invite. Or in my case...more time with the teenage boyfriend. If God has a message for us, he will get us there. God will get us to where we need to be, whether it be church, or a specific channel on a tv, or an article, or in a crowd listening in on a conversation. If He has something we need to hear, it will happen. The thing is...will we listen? We have many walls up to block out the message.
When the message came to me at first...it wasn't making sense. My wall consisted of unbelief. The simplicity of it didn't seem possible. The previous teachings of God surrounding me, I thought I would have to earn it, I just wasn't getting this free gift thing. But, God began to chip away at the layer around my heart.
Remember, I had my belief in God..... I had learned from early on about sin, heaven, Jesus and I had that desire to learn and understand more.
I also knew everything had to come from scripture. It had to be there or it wasn't true.
So there I found myself in a bible preaching church, and the message was penetrating. I knew I was a sinner. What I began to understand was I couldn't fix those sins. I wasn't ever going to be good enough to be worthy. All I had to do, was let go of control of my life. I needed to stop making the choices, and surrender it ALL to Christ. He has made the sacrifice, and I just needed to accept and receive the gift.
The day I did that as a 15 year old girl is a day I will never forget. The overwhelming emotion and release is not something I could ever explain to you. But I knew and I know, that I had found the answer. There was no doubt, and has never been a doubt since. This is what God wants for every one of us.
On that day, Jesus did enter my life, and He has control. But don't think for a moment I became perfect...oh absolutely NOT!! I do still try to pick up that control again, make decisions and choices that do not align with what my heart and soul are telling me. The difference now....conviction. It comes strong and hard. And then, if I remain independent, it is followed by consequences. Time and time again, He will allow me to go so far...kind of like a Dad (actually just like a Dad), taking on my independence, and He will watch. Before I fall into danger, He will pull me back. However, sometimes He will let me go, and I will fall and make those mistakes, and learn. That is where my journey has been since that day. It is a continual process. It is the process of actively submitting to God's will. I am in a relationship though, and that is the difference from my first two blogs on my journey. Within this relationship, the process is easier. On my own, it was impossible. So as I continue my blog, I will share pieces of this process with you. The letting go of me...